12 June 2014

ch ch ch ch changes

you may notice a small change on my "about mrs. b" page.

just a little, teeny, itsy bitsy one...

it was rather spur of the moment, but i decided not to go back to my teeny, tiny district next year. the decision was tough. telling my principal/mentor once i'd officially decided was pretty brutal. leaving my babies, the ones i'd spent hours and hours building up, the ones who'd not recently had a chance to be told that YES, they could learn AND THEN the chance to actually learn, in unknown hands was heart-wrenching. 

i cried. a lot. 

i truly thought i had failed. i felt like a quitter. the stats about first year teachers sticking around, the stats about special education teachers staying in the field... i was am now one of those statistics. i am the person that my snooty, fresh out of college ass would have sneered at for not having the cajones to stick it out (circumstance be damned!, i would have said. real teachers are life changers; they don't abandon their students!) it was is a pretty harsh realization. 

after my pity party, i came to a a few conclusions. though i am not ready to run a program, though i could not stay at a school where our counselor called me "selfish" in front of all of my colleagues when i announced my decision to move on, i still learned from this job. i was taught so much by my students. i made sweet friends that i know i can still count on. i grew and i matured and i got knocked down a peg or 3 (which i needed).

most importantly, this last year of teaching brought me closer to Jesus. throughout the whole ordeal, i knew that God had a plan for me and for my family. while i was trying to make this really crazy decision three weeks before the end of the year with my summer school and summer workshops scheduled and planned, i was studying nehemiah. i'll spare you the lengthy details, but let's just say that i knew the sweet Lord was speaking directly to me. i cannot even describe the amount of peace and comfort i felt as He so quickly answered my prayers over and over. a pretty much prefect teaching position, which was unlisted online, literally fell into my lap just days after i agonized about what i would be doing next year.

so, here's to second grade, 10 minute drives, and trusting Him at every turn!

2 comments:

  1. So bittersweet! I am loving the paragraph you wrote at the bottom about knowing that God was using this situation for the good of your family. My husband and I are feeling the same way now, although it certainly didn't seem like it throughout my school year! Nothing like a little perspective, and I'm thinking of making Neh. my next personal study now, so thank you!

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    Replies
    1. Shereadstruth.com has a great Nehemiah study guide! (:

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